Imagine this…
Imagine being so distracted by tearing down systems of oppression
spending all of your waking hours rebuilding infrastructures
to create equitable spaces and environments
to take care of artists and communities
building new models of collaboration and accessibility
that you lose sight of yourself
not able to be a beneficiary of the very things you’ve built
Imagine being in the pit and darkness of depression
desperate not to wake up another day
yet still fighting to wake up the very next day
to stand on the frontline advocating for resources
that have been stripped from communities who were forcibly labeled
“Marginalized,” “underserved,” “underresourced,” “underrepresented”
by institutions and systems that do not reflect (or care) about them
Imagine being triggered and traumatized daily
in the very place you pour your blood, sweat, and tears into to make safe
yet not feeling that your very personhood and humanity could experience that safety
Imagine having anxiety and panic attacks every day
Unable to sleep
Unable to speak
Unable to process basic information
Afraid for your very life
Imagine asking for help
Imagine being in pain and no one seeing
Imagine crying out and no one hears you
Imagine crying and no one hears you
Imagine no one hears you
Imagine finally choosing yourself
Choosing to take care of yourself
in the way that you take care of everyone else
and being told that you’re selfish and unprofessional
and being told that your very health and well-being are a “luxury in this economy”
and your exhaustion, depletion, and utter ruin being the fuel that drives the engine of progress
Imagine taking over six months to write a measly 1,000-word essay
that’s not even really an essay
But more of a manifesto (I guess)
Or maybe not even that
(I don’t even know what this can be called…
or if it needs to be called anything other than thoughts and prayers)
Because you didn’t know how much fight you had left in you
Because you didn’t know how much you actually had to offer to this world
this community
If you would say the “right thing” or the “smart thing”
or could posit some incredibly profound thought piece that would (could?) change
the landscape of the American theatre
the arts & culture and entertainment industry at large
the perspective of justice, healing, and community development and organizing
as a thread that binds artistry, storytelling, and economic sustainability
Because you didn’t know if your voice even really mattered
Because you didn’t know if all of your work even really mattered
Because you didn’t know if anything you’ve ever done even really mattered
Because somehow, your brain, your heart, and your body still get triggered
everyday
Every. Day.
Every. SINGLE. Day
Just thinking about being the failure that you were told you were
(and would become)
while looking at the evidence of everything you’ve done
and still thinking it was not enough
Imagine not knowing who or what to trust anymore
(including yourself)
Imagine not being able to dream anymore
Imagine just wanting to literally dream again
just wanting to dream
wanting to dream
I just want to dream again
Imagine wanting to just rest
To breathe
To heal
To be free
To exist fully and presently
To sit
To daydream
To play
This is my dream
for me
for you
for us
for the American Theatre
“Burnout is not a badge of honor.” – Thema Bryant
If you can’t already tell… I struggled immensely writing this. I have written and rewritten every version of this and still felt like I couldn’t find the right words to share.
Not because I don’t have A LOT of thoughts about economic justice and labor in the American theatre, but because in talking about ALL the thoughts I have, I would have to reckon with the fact that I was actively running away from it all. I’m tired. Tired of thinking. and doing. and feeling. and being everything for everyone.
And I also feel guilty.
And exposed.
And abandoned.
I would have to reckon with Dr. Thema Bryant’s (paraphrased and zhuzhed) sentiment:
“If I am willing to abandon myself [under the guise of leadership, advocacy, service] for the community, how quickly will I abandon the community for the sake of self-preservation?”
So I ran…
I spent the last year running away…
Running away from running away.
Running away from the gaze of my colleagues, from the industry, from everyone around me to prove that my intentions were pure, my work, my effort, and my integrity were genuine. Running away from the lies that were spewed at me about me and about my work. Running away from the toxicity of people who claimed to care about and support me yet constantly tore and broke me down every. single. day. Running away from the very things I committed to upholding, restoring, and reshaping.
It seemed better for everyone else to simply remove myself, draw to the shadows, and become unknown than to think that my presence and my choice to say yes to myself was going to “discredit and destroy” everything I worked to build, change, and restore and that the optics would shed a poor light on my work and the community…
The optics…
The optics…
The optics always seemed to be more important than the lived reality. Except for the fact that in my lived reality I was slowly fading… crumbling… dying… becoming a shell of myself “for the greater good”… “for the community”… for everyone else to be seen and heard, while silencing my own voice.
Silencing…
Me.
I forgot what she even sounded like.
I forgot what she looked like.
I forgot who she was.
I forgot why she was here.
I forgot why I was here.
why was I here.
why am I here.
So I stopped running
and I rested
I rested to remember
the dream.
the vision.
the mission.
I rested to remember
why I was here.
To fulfill my mission.
my mission.
why was I here.
why am I here.
To fulfill my mission.
If you’ve spent any amount of time with me talking about my work, my passions, and my approach, you know first and foremost that I lead with my mission—a mission that is not a respecter of persons, locations, jobs, industries, or anything other than simply the charge of who I am called to be in every room I walk into to, every space I occupy, every relationship I hold.
I am here to…
Love recklessly.
Obsessively seek the face of God and His overwhelming love and to shower this love on all people.
Build faithfully.
Build, equip, and develop artists, leaders, organizations, and communities to find, seek, and walk in the fullness of their individual and collective purpose.
Create fearlessly.
Fearlessly create works that catalyze healing, freedom, and transformation.
I heard it.
I heard my voice again.
I remembered my why.
the why.
I remembered why.
I remembered
my mission.
my vision.
my dream.
Not just for me.
For the artists. For the work. For the institutions. For the industry. For the community. For the economy.
But why does this even matter?
What does this have to do with economic justice and labor? About my dream for the American theatre?
The thing about liberation, justice, and community care is that just as much as we advocate for this for others, we too are part of the community who need to be supported. Justice work is mental health and healing work. Our individual liberation will always lead to collective liberation. The commitment to healing, liberation, and radical imagination to dismantle oppressive structures and cultivate spaces of empowerment and agency for marginalized voices isn’t the seed. Rather, it’s the fruit. The seed is found in the darkness beneath the soil that no one sees. It is the tearing, the breaking, the development of roots anchoring in the places of our hearts, minds, and souls that no one ever sees, but that gives the strength by which the fruit can flourish and thrive.
So…
I rest
I rest to keep dreaming
I rest to keep envisioning
I rest to remember
I rest to live
I rest to fulfill the mission
to see my dream for the future of the American theatre
Love recklessly THROUGH radical generosity.
Love recklessly by giving abundantly without expectation, recognizing that true generosity stems from a commitment to uplifting others and creating spaces of belonging where everyone feels valued and seen. Radical generosity challenges scarcity mindsets and invites an overflow of care and support that transforms individuals and communities.
Build faithfully THROUGH radical community.
Build faithfully by fostering relationships grounded in trust, mutual respect, and shared purpose, recognizing that thriving communities are built on collective accountability and the celebration of diverse voices. Radical community requires intentionality in creating spaces where collaboration and care are the cornerstones of progress.
Create fearlessly THROUGH radical expansion.
Create fearlessly by embracing boundless imagination and innovation, breaking free from limiting norms to redefine what is possible. Radical expansion encourages us to dream boldly, disrupt traditional frameworks, and pave the way for new visions of equity, inclusion, and artistic excellence.
So let’s dream…
Imagine if our dreams found each other
What fires would be ignited
What would be healed
What could be changed when you dream
when I dream
when we dream
when we laugh
when we play
when we imagine
(together)
“Dreaming isn’t delusional—it’s essential to the fabric of our society.” – Tricia Hersey
Charlique C. Rolle is co-founder of Gilded Road Productions, producer at Baltimore Center Stage, and a human who exists to love recklessly, build faithfully, and create fearlessly.
